Thursday, August 23, 2007

Can Crosby Design Our New Jerseys?


At the draft, having watched the unveiling of the Boston Bruins, Columbus Blue Jackets and the Washington Capitals new uniforms, I have to say that I was rather impressed. Prior to that, all the talk of the new Reebok designs had me skeptical to say the least. And at the All Star game, I was even more nauseous than usual.

Sure, I am a bit of a traditionalist by nature and when I saw the rebirth of the retro red, white and blue donned by the Caps I was quite pleased. Same goes for the Bobby Orr-esque new (old) Bruins look. And when the Jackets gave up on the CN Rail meets Honest Ed designs, things were looking up.

Since then I have also been somewhat impressed with the Kings new apparel, although I don't know how the chic look will go down with our Bloods and Crips.

The Penguin jerseys were adequate I suppose, but there just didn't seem to be enough room on the back for the numbers.

When NHL 08 began leaking footage of NHL teams wearing the new designs, I thought the Canes showed a little too much in the striping department. But little did I know that their unofficial look would only be a precursor to the Isles god awful reincarnation. Please Captain Highliner, come back!

I suspected that the Preds would have to say goodbye to their chrome sleeves, yet the new design was bearable. And the Panthers would have been fine if it weren't for some oddly placed elbow pit striping.

I'm satisfied with the new San Jose Shark logos, even if the inclusion of burnt orange reminds me more of the Dolphins than it does Sharks.

The Red Wings new look remains pretty much the same, other than the fact that the traditional captain's 'C' and alternative captain's 'A' will have to be placed on the players right shoulder rather than the left. And I apologize if I am coming off as petty, but that just looks WAY wrong.

The New York Ranger design has the words crushed to the center of the sweater, while having some bib-like thing at the bottom of the waist. Apparently this was added to keep the Ranger players' saliva off their shorts, while spitting on opposing team's ice girls.

The Ottawa jersey which was unveiled last evening reminds me of some after school public service special. I'd like to call it 'Captain Cartoon Condom Man'.

It seems that the more unveilings made available, the worse this new space aged Reebok advance jersey creation appears to be. I mean, what can we possibly expect next?

Will the New Jersey new jerseys brand a new logo representing NJ squared? Will the Broad Street Bullies add new splotches of red to give the impression that blood will not completely repel in a second flat? Could the Buffaslug get any worse? Might the Montreal Canadiens try to implement 24 Stanley Cups on each shoulder patch while linking the numbers below with some cob web-like image? Will the Maple Leafs wear tie dye designs, knowing full well that their fans will buy them up no matter how bad they look? Will the Thrashers keep their powder blue or go with something that might show up better in the spring? Will Tampa Bay ever come up with something a little more thought provoking than a lightning bolt? Will the Hawks try a blacked out look for home games? Will the Flames go with blazing red for home games while returning to the cowardly yellow for the road? Will the Avs try out some funky Colorado Rockies retro look? Will the Oilers see a need in making female fitting uniforms? Is anyone else afraid of what Reeboks version of 'Wild' might be? Might the Canucks be interested in Borat banana thongs? Will we have to listen to Brian Burke whine about his new uniforms? Can the Dallas stars come up with anything that could draw our attention away from Mike Modano's teeth?

Phew. Let me catch my breath here...

Would anyone like to bet what the new design for the Coyotes will look like?